My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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