Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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