If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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