Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
