put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
