wanna go halves on a baby?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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