Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
