ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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