I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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