My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
