I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
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John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
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Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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