I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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