dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
