Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
