An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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