HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
