you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
