Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
