she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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