also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
well you can't waste a boner
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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