Jerry, you need to find god
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
this will be a night to untag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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