I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
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See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
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cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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