mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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