wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
