my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
