the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
