would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
