Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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