im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
