I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
