I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
did i just pee glitter
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
