ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
