Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
smell my finger.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
