There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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