you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
