I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
