He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
