woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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