things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
