my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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