I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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