you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This baby is an asshole
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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