Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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