Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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