It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
