You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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