Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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