Where did you get a picture of my penis
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
