Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
