I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
