but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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