There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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