shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
