And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Let's get the cat blown out
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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