thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
