im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
