yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
