the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
