I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
