Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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