I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
